The Experience of Criticism

Have you ever looked at what is going on inside you when you avoid acknowledging someone, when you are engaged in diminishing another's point of view, then speeding up the "tempo" of your conversation? What is really going on here? More importantly, how does it all feel to you, deep inside?

Have you ever stopped for a moment to contemplate this, the effect it has on your state, the impact that this way of communicating has on your happiness and freedom, and ultimately your success on every level? Historically, many salesmen have been taught to sell this way. It becomes all about "closing the sale" in any way you can, which ultimately becomes a highly intense form of intimidation, where the customer is backed into a corner, not being given much of a chance to say anything and afraid to say what he really feels inside. This process contains an enormous amount of anxiety and pressure for the customer but, more significantly, it sets the salesman off into burnout mode.

This way of treating ourselves and other people ultimately ends in failure. Success, true success, continues be ever elusive, even after you have made all the money you can spend in this lifetime. How many times in my life, after making a lucrative sale the night before, have I held my breath as I my phone rang the next morning, only to hear the customer say that he had thought about it and changed his mind, wanting to cancel. I could feel the anxiety I used to feel in the pit of my stomach rise up, even now, as I write this. The difference is that I'm aware of it now, I wasn't then. Imagine, walking around in life, everyday, feeling this anxiety in the pit of your stomach? My hunch is that it is safe to say that this condition is epidemic in our culture.

When we don't acknowledge another person, when we don't really listen and "hear" what she is thinking and feeling, we are diminishing her, trying to control her and the outcome in our favor. Without seeing who a person is, without allowing him to express himself as he is, we are not seeing "WHAT IS.!" What we are seeing is not real. What we are seeing is not true. It's a projection of what we want to see, not what is! Only what is is true. An amazing insight arises for us when we ask ourselves this wonderful question: How can we change what is?

On the other hand, if we allow a person to express what he feels, to ask questions, to open up and feel comfortable, we begin to learn about his true needs and values. Then we can see how we can really help this person. This kind of acknowledgment creates trust. Trust creates relationship, whether it be in business, family, friends or government.

Most people buy from people they trust. Relationships thrive in an environment of trust. When you don't acknowledge me, how can I trust you? What is it that I am so afraid of that I can't acknowledge you for who you are? For who you are is what is. There is no right or wrong about this, only acknowledging what is. There is so much freedom in this, so much love. Imagine, caring enough about another human being that you would look at him exactly the way he is, past all of your wants and desires, and give them their freedom. Imagine that!

Love and blessings,

Alan

STRESS

What is it that causes us to experience stress? It has been said that there are many diverse reasons for this condition. Is this true? Could the answer be so complicated that it prevents us from ever getting free from the tentacles of stress? Would a benevolent universe, a loving God, create so much pain and suffering? Or, is there an answer so simple, sitting right under our nose, that we don't see it? We are so busy trying to figure it all out that we are actually perpetuating the very condition that we are desperately trying to overcome.

The key word here is "TRYING."

Have you ever observed someone that is in the process of trying. This is no small thing. If you really focus in on this person, you will see that his body language is contorted, his facial expression more contracted and harsh, and his overall expression tense and unyielding. By virtue of this simple observation, it is easy to see how we begin to create stress.

Contraction is the opposite of relaxing. To relax, to surrender, to let-go, is to experience freedom. In that experience, there is an absence of stress, an absence of tension, an absence of pressure. We need contraction, we need tension to create stress.

What happens when we stop trying? Is it not fear that arises in that moment? Is it not fear that causes us to struggle, to feel that if we don't do it, if we don't TRY, something negative or "bad" will happen? What will happen to me if I stop trying so hard? The question then arises, can we act without stress? Can we create without limiting our sense of freedom and well-being? Can I have success without stress?

Ted Williams, arguably the greatest hitter in major league baseball history, used to say that at times he was so focused and relaxed that when he stood ready to hit he could actually see the seams and the rotation of the ball as it came toward him, as if it was all happening in slow motion. And, in that moment, he "KNEW" he was going to get a hit. The secret, he said, was a "RELAXED BAT," an absence of tension.

One day, I was sitting in the park. It was beautiful, a crisp sunny day in early Spring. There was a tree in front of me, seemingly bare, with the exception of one wilted and dried out little flower hanging on at the end of one of the branches. As I sat there observing this scene, for no apparent reason the flower fell off.

In that moment, it was as if the flower cried out, "I can't do it! I can't hold on any longer, no matter how hard I try. I had to let go." And as I looked closer, I noticed that the tree wasn't really bare, as I had initially thought, but tiny little buds had begun to emerge as Spring began to make its appearance.

The little flower had tried to hold on too long because it was afraid to let go. But life keeps moving forward, from the inside out, bringing with it new life, freedom and beauty. Could it be that when we hold onto things too long, without realizing it, we are blocking the inevitable flow of grace, that this attempt is steeped in fear and this fear manifests in stress?

When you experience stress, stop for a moment, take some deep breaths, allowing your mind to slow down, relax and surrender. Invoke your heart, then offer your love to everything you encounter from that moment on.

PLEASE CLICK HERE TO RECEIVE MY FREE TIPS ON REDUCING STRESS

Love and blessings,

Alan

Integration

The key to meditation is "integration," integrating the "state" we experience while meditating into our daily life. It is not enough to have a meditation "practice," where we close our eyes, cross our legs and repeat a mantra. It is ultimately about unfolding our heart, our inner awareness, the state of perfection that is within us and then remembering to bring that state into every moment.

Love and blessings, Alan

True Love

Whenever we say I'm sorry; whenever we express remorse; whenever we offer our forgiveness; whenever we share our gratitude and respect, the most important thing to remember is that everything is given unconditionally-without desire, expectation or motive-that everything always comes from the same place deep within us, ...and that our"STATE" never wavers. This is true giving! This is true LOVE! This is "Enlightenment."

The Best Thing I Can Do For You...

When we focus our attention on the mind, we are perpetuating and creating doubt and concern and bringing them, as our experience, into our life. When we focus our attention on the space of the heart, allowing the mind to do what it does--think--we align ourselves with the clarity and discrimination that lives there.

In this way, as we shift our attention from the mind to the heart, we no longer need to burden ourselves with the worry and concerns of what we think we need to "do." We simply follow the inner wisdom, the discrimination that arises from deep inside and guides us perfectly. It is always there.

Discrimination allows us to trust ourselves and to have faith in our own inner experience. It gives us the clarity to make "perfect" choices and flawless actions. This is the beginning of true strength and courage, and it will radiate from our being to all of life.

"The best thing I can do for you is to love me."

Praise & Blame

How great we feel when we are praised and recognized. How crushed and broken we feel when we are criticized or blamed. Is this not part of our daily experience?

Have we really taken a good look at why this is so? Or do we rationalize these experiences as part of life, as feelings and emotions we have no real control, continuing to live each day on this frustrating, often frightening “elevator” like existence.

The Great Masters tell us that the need for praise and blame are some of the chief activities of the ego, that it is our own ego that identifies with these needs and desires, these stories going on in our mind-in essence, what we are thinking at any moment-thought itself-and projects them onto the world, thinking that praise comes from outside itself, therefore making it perfectly logical to blame that outside source when it doesn’t get what it feels it deserves.

In the end, it is a trap!

We seek praise because, like a drug, it temporarily makes us feel worthwhile, happy and proud of our accomplishments. But like a drug, when the “high” wears off we seek, once again, a new “fix”—more praise which, of course, makes us work again, this time just a little bit harder, to recreate the next high.

Can you envision a “burnout,” exhaustion, even a possible emotional breakdown looming on the horizon?

This process continues endlessly: reaching out, seeking praise, working harder and harder at what we do, so that we can get back something for what we do-praise, honor, recognition, fame and fortune, etc, so that we can feel good about ourselves.

Can anything or anyone ever give us anything that is lasting? It is in this question that we can put an end to all suffering.

When we get what we want we are inspired and happy, filled with a sense of worthiness and joy. When we don’t, the ego, not wanting to “look at itself in the mirror,” begins a process of blaming something or someone for its unhappiness and discontent.

Where is the love?

Is this whole process of praise and blame not a form of manipulation, a way the ego has cleverly learned to selfishly “take,” to get for itself.

If we are in the process of getting, where is the giving? Love is giving!

Does it not follow that the ego’s expectation of praise is the ultimate reason why we get frustrated and angry when it doesn’t get its way? Think about it! It is so obvious in its simplicity.

Praise and blame are only a source of pain and suffering when they are not understood.

Meditate. A quiet mind is free of praise and blame. In that place we feel worthy and totally free of all worldly needs and desires.

Love and blessings,

Alan

Memories of Sept. 11th

I remember getting off the subway that morning, walking up the stairs and into the street, and finding myself in a scene so surreal that it felt as if I had stumbled into the shooting of a science fiction movie.

Hundreds, maybe thousands of people were running frantically, many screaming and crying,and all in the same direction-uptown-and away from the hub of the civic center in lower Manhattan. This alone was baffling to me, since it was a normal work day.

At first I thought it was a big accident of some kind, but when I approached a police officer and asked her what had happened, she said there was an explosion at The World Trade Center. This immediately made me think it was another terrorist bombing attack similar to the one in the trade center some years before.

I continued on my way to my editor's apartment in Tribeca on the Westside, about ten blocks from where I got off the subway. As I began walking, I noticed that smoke was billowing like a gigantic dark cloud all across the sky, and everywhere I looked I saw scores of frightened people running as if they were being chased by some prehistoric monster from a "B" movie.

When I finally got to my editor's apartment, I was just a few blocks from the World Trade Center. I walked up the stairs to her apartment and knocked on the door. She opened it immediately and flew into my arms, crying and shaking uncontrollably, frightened out of her mind. I asked her what had happened and she told me that a jet plane had crashed into one of the trade towers. She went on to say that she had been walking with her dog to her bank that was actually in one of the towers, when she looked up and saw a plane fly right into the building and burst into flames. She said she got so scared that she just turned around and ran back to her apartment.

At that point, although she was terrified, I persuaded her to go downstairs with me to the corner to see the extent of what had happened. At that moment, the TV, which she had on to get the news updates, began a report that was so incredible that I almost didn't believe what I was hearing. It seemed that another plane had crashed into the second tower.

We went downstairs and walked to the corner and looked up. There in front of us, about two blocks away, was one of the most unbelievable sights I had ever witnessed in my life. Both towers had been hit, and there were two big holes toward the top of both buildings with smoke pouring out from the places where the planes had crashed. We stood looking at this scene in disbelief. Some people had gathered to watch the spectacle, as we did, still others were making their way uptown, many running as fast as they could.

We stood looking at the buildings for about ten minutes, then I turned to my editor and said, "you know, I think I see people jumping out of one of the buildings." We both tried to focus more closely on what I thought I saw, since the activity was toward the very top of the tower. Then my editor screamed in horror as we saw two people, holding hands, leap from the building to their death. I could not get my mind around what I had just witnessed. It was too bizarre. A few seconds later, another person jumped, then another.

At that moment, I turned to my editor and said, "that tower looks as if it is going to go down." Just then, as if it was orchestrated by a demolition crew that knew precisely what they were doing, the building began to collapse. It went straight down, perfectly, as if it were planned. Everyone stood transfixed, unable to move, until the building had totally collapsed. In that moment, as the building crashed to the ground, debris came shooting out toward us, exploding, almost like an atomic blast. Everyone in the immediate area began to scream and run for their lives. I grabbed my editor by the arm and we ran around the corner, out of the way of the deadly fallout. We made it up the stairs to her apartment. I told her to pack an overnight bag as fast as she could, then we ran out of there, heading uptown to safer ground.

We walked a few miles uptown to 13th street. I left her at her sister's apartment, then spent the next few hours walking slowly up to 86th street, feeling very much as if I was being swept along in a dream. As I walked along, everywhere I looked, the streets were empty.There were no cars, no commercial traffic, except for police vehicles and barricades, blocking everyone from traveling downtown.

For the next few weeks, New York, as well as the rest of the world, had been touched deeply by all that had happened and went through an amazing, yet totally unexpected transformation.

Walking through the streets of Manhattan, I observed little prayer shrines appearing everywhere, seemingly on every
street corner, adorned with flowers and pictures of loved ones that were lost that fateful day. People congregated around these shrines, kneeling to pray, consoling each other, right on the sidewalks. In all the parks, people gathered together. Chanting groups from every religion and spiritual group offered their love through their hymns and prayers to soothe the hearts of our wounded city. It was very touching and very real.

Even the police officers were open and humble, caring and compassionate. It seemed as if the whole city had been galvanized by the tragedy and come together in an outpouring of love and human kindness unlike anything I had ever seen before, especially having lived in New York City all my life.

I had lived a spiritually based life for the past twenty years, centered around the practice of meditation and the teachings of an ancient spiritual path. My teacher was a wonderful meditation Master from India, and had always taught that the universe was benevolent, that everything that happened was for the benefit and upliftment of humanity. To listen to the reports of this tragedy on TV and in the media, one would be hard pressed to find anything benevolent in what had happened. And yet, to walk the street, to see the people, to experience first hand the actual reaction of the city and around the world, one could not help but feel a sense of hope and love, and a peace that just covered
everything. It was, without question, one of the most magical and beautiful experiences of my life.

Later that week, my meditation teacher called for devotees all over the world to come and meditate. We gathered together to find ways to help the world somehow get through this tragedy. Thousands of people, families and children,came from every city, every continent on the planet. The energy was magnificent.

People with microphones positioned themselves all throughout the audience. There were several thousand people present that afternoon. Our teacher then asked for only the children to give their insights. A few of the children raised their hands and gave some very sweet and heartfelt answers. Then, a little girl, around eleven years old, stood up, took the microphone in her hand and said:

"There are three things I think we all need to do. The first thing is that we need to send our love to the people that lost their lives in those buildings that day. The second thing we need to do is send our love to all of the people who lost their loved ones in those buildings that day. But those are not the most important things we need to do. The most important thing we have to do is to send our love to all of those people who did this, because to have done something so terrible, they could not have had any love in their hearts, and they need it more than anyone."